The Jubilee Sov'rin
On Jubilee Day the Ramsbottoms
Asked all their relations to tea,
Including young Albert's Grandmother
An awkward old party were she.
She'd seen Queen Victoria's Jub'lee
And her weddin' to Albert the Good,
And got quite upset when young Albert
Asked how she'd got on in the Flood.
She cast quite a damper on t' party,
But cheered up a bit after tea
And gave Albert a real golden sov'rin
She'd saved since the last Jubilee.
It had picture of t' Queen on t' one side
And a dragon fight on the reverse;
It tasted of camphor and cobwebs
Through being so long in her purse.
Albert cuddled the coin and he kissed it,
And felt tho rough edge with his tongue,
For he knew by the look on his father
It wouldn't be his very long.
" Shall I get you your money-box, Albert ? "
Said Mother so coaxing and sweet,
And Albert let drop an expression
He must have picked up in the street.
" I'll show you a trick with that sov'rin,"
Said Pa, who were hovering near;
Then he took and pretended to eat it
And brought it back out of his ear.
This magic filled Albert wi' wonder,
And before you could say "Uncle Dick "
He'd got the coin back from his father
And performed the first part of the trick.
When they saw as he'd swallered his sov'rin
With excitement his relatives burned,
And each one suggested some process
For getting the money returned.
Some were for fishing wi' tweezers,
Some were for shaking it out;
If they only got back a few shillings
They said 'twould be better than nowt'
They tried holding Albert head downwards,
And giving his back a good thump;
Then his Uncle, who worked for a chemist,
Said " There's nowt for it but stummick pump."
They hadn't a stummick pump 'andy,
But Pa did the best that he could
With a bicycle pump as he'd borrowed,
But that weren't a ha'porth of good.
At the finish they sent for the Doctor,
Who looked down his throat through a glass,
And said "Aye, this'll mean operation,
I'm afraid as he'll have to have gas."
" How much is this 'ere going to cost us ? "
Said Father, beginning to squirm;
Said the Doctor " It comes quite expensive,
The gas will be eightpence a therm."
Then there's my time, four shillings an hour,
You can't do these things in two ticks;
By rights I should charge you a guinea,
But I'll do it for eighteen and six."
" What, eighteen and six to get sov'rin ? "
Said Father; "That doesn't sound sense.
I'll tell you what, you'd best keep Albert
And give me the odd eighteen-pence."
The Doctor concurred this arrangement
And to this day remains in some doubt
As to whether he's in eighteen shillings
Or whether he's eighteen-pence out.