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SAMMY SHUTTLEWORTH (Mike Harding?)

Owd Sammy Shuttleworth of Lancashire, he had a party last night;
All the lassies & lads were there, bunged in the doorway, stuck tight;
Cos the guests were fat and the house were small;
They got stuck in the entrance hall;
Owd Johnny bugger got a tub of Vaseline;
Greased the lobby and they all fell in

Eeh, there was hundreds on the doormat;
Eeh, there was hundreds on the rug;
Eeh, there was hundreds on the bathroom;
Little Polly Perkins went and tumbled down the plug;
Eeh, there was hundreds in the bathroom, we had to stuff a dozen up the flue;
and Mrs. Brown said "Pull them down, yer showin all yer petticoats";

and EEH BY GUM WE HAD A REET GOOD DO!

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At the supper there were cowheel stew, real deviled tripe and pigs feet;
While we were gollopin the slutch it's true, they could have heard us on't next street;
Eeh what fun when mi owd Aunt Ruth;
Speared a Spanish onion on her front tooth;
Eeh by gum and t'fun were rich;
When we all started feytin for the parson's snitch;

Eeh, there were kippers "Ó la franšaise";
Eeh, and saucy little Sue;
She, went and guzzled all the fishbones;
They stuck up her Manchester and Liverpool canal;
Eeh, shi were coughin and a splutrin, we had to send around for Dr. Drew;
So all the lads they stood around, and watched the doctor fillet her;

and EEH BY GUM WE HAD A REET GOOD DO!

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After supper there were dustman's knock, kissin all the wenches was fine;
Little Albert Higgins the lazy lad, he started working overtime;
Mi owd Aunt May, ye know what shi did?
Shi did an exhibition dance on the copper boiler lid;
The lid it bust and we heard a scream;
Ye couldn't see mi poor old Aunty May for steam;

Eeh, wi her brand new evening dress on;
Eeh, there were little Polly Dwire;
Eeh, some bugger dropped a woodbine;
Down her camisole and set her shuttlecocks on fire;
Eeh, and they put it out with water, just when we had got a luvly view;
So Tony Higgins got a match, and set it all on fire again;

and EEH BY GUM WE HAD A REET GOOD DO!

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At the supper there were lots of ale, but we ran out of pots at half-time;
Owd Albert Higgins got the chamber pot, and he said it tasted reet fine;
Eeh what fun when Uncle Horrace;
Went and guzzled the metal polish;
He went black and started to cough;
And the polish nearly polished Uncle Horrace off;

Eeh, when we woke up in the mornin;
Eeh, we'd had the times of all our lives;
Eeh, we were so enthusiastic;
All the fellers toddled off with other fellers' wives;
Eeh, and we thought it all were champion;
But what that party was we never knew;
So if it were a christening, a wedding or a funeral;

Then EEH BY GUM WE HAD A REET GOOD DO!

EEH BY GUM WE HAD A REET GOOD DO!